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Run! Don’t Walk.

February 19th, 2013


My wife has called me the laziest in shape person she’s ever met.  Most of this stems from my sincere hate of walking, more than pure laziness, however.

When I met my wife, I owned a 1987 Honda Elite 80 scooter so that I wouldn’t have to walk anywhere.  If my destination was more than 400 meters away, I was on the scooter.  They’re extremely fuel efficient and easy to park close to your ultimate destination (less walking).

To be frank, I’m not a huge fan of running, either – I prefer cycling and swimming.  This said, I’d much rather run than walk.  And since I’ve outgrown the scooter I now run often – in addition to exercise.  I run from the car into the grocery store.  I run from the airport parking lot to the terminal.  I run from the car to the restaurant.  It drives my family crazy.  But I don’t care.
The main reason I hate walking: it’s like swimming breast stroke – too damn slow.  The problem is that apparently not everyone hates walking, which makes it very hard to run in places where there are lots of walkers, like the mall or airports.

Additionally, I’m a crappy walker.  When forced to walk, I’m regularly passed by non-descript looking women in high-heels.  And no matter how fit I am, the only time I can walk longer than ten minutes without having to sit on a bench and rest, is in extreme emergency situations such as the need to find a restroom.

Walking hurts.  It hurts my feet, my knees, my hip flexors.  Running hurts less.

Walk the dog?  Please – dogs hate walking, too.

Wait – there’s more.  You can converse when you walk.  Conversation should be reserved for times when you’re sitting – like when you’re at a restaurant.  When you’re running, you can tell a story, but there’s not much conversation – which is nice.  You’re either the story-teller or the listener.  Maybe I would find walking more enjoyable if people would quit with the twenty questions.

Come to think of it, about the only thing I hate worse than walking, is standing – like when you’re on an elevator or escalator.  Elevators should only be used by people who can’t walk/run, or for freight needs.  And all escalators should be turned off.  The escalator is an evil invention.  The only time people should be allowed to stand is if they’re giving a speech or when they’re watching a concert from the floor (vs. the seats).  Other than that – people should sit their butts down, or run somewhere.

So quit standing around.  And if you’re “lazy” like me, put a little bounce in your step.  Before you know it, you’ll be running everywhere.  Speaking of – I’m about to run out and get the mail – literally.

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